Diary of a Widower

Daily entries by a husband, who stayed behind with his two sons

It was all just a dream

SATURDAY, November 21 – Dreams. A dream about confusion and another about lack of understanding. I’m muttering all sorts of sentences addressed to no one in particular.

‘But Jennifer will do it.’

‘Why won’t Jennifer do it?’

‘That’s something Jennifer will have to decide.’

No specific questions or situations, and I’m the one who announces that there’s no problem, since ‘Jennifer will solve it’.

I wake up and realize where I am: I’m in my bedroom, in my bed; but, Jennifer isn’t there and I realize that Jennifer will not be solving the problem. Not any more.

Eamonn came in at five-thirty.  His alarm clock had gone off.  He couldn’t sleep. He stayed in my bed for half an hour. Then he decided he was hungry and went downstairs.

I stayed in bed, fell asleep again, and dreamed that we were cuddling. He said something sweet to me.  I looked into his face and resolved to tell Jennifer all about it.  Woke up again.  Eamonn was gone.  Jennifer wasn’t there and again I realized that there wasn’t anything to tell Jennifer.

Not any more.

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