Diary of a Widower

Taking off my wedding ring

WEDNESDAY, December 3  – Before the clock has struck 7 a.m., Eamonn is walking around with a song in his head, which he sings at the top of his lungs and then hums under his breath. He tries out the melody on his electric guitar, waving the instrument around the way only The Beatles could.

Here comes the sun …

Just as I’m getting ready to take the dog out, he announces:  ‘Papa, I’m going to let my hair grow, just like Ringo Starr.’

That’s an excellent idea, my son, an excellent idea. The rest of the morning I can’t get the song out of my head. It feels good.

Here comes the sun

Dootin doo doo

Here comes the sun

And I say it’s alright…                                                                                            

15.20 – At work, and it’s alright, doo da doo da.  Everybody in the building stops me – on the news floor, in the hall, by the elevator, even in the restroom – just to ask me how I’m doing which is not surprising given the mass outpouring of sympathy in the week after Jenn’s death. The organization was deeply affected by the news and the sincere involvement of my colleagues with our well-being has continued to grow.

I choose my moments of visibility and contact with the hundreds of people who work here. This creates the illusion that I’m back, batteries fully charged and raring to go.  Which, of course, is not the case.  I just walked out of a meeting because I had totally lost interest in the topic being discussed.

I also find it difficult to concentrate since my attention is riveted on the wedding ring on my left hand.  While all sorts of important business is being discussed, I can’t think of anything but the very pressing issue of whether or not I should remove my wedding ring, whether the other people at the table have noticed that I’m still wearing my wedding ring, and whether they can tell that I’m thinking about my wedding ring.

In short, let the record show that on this day, at 15.09, I removed my wedding ring.  So be it.  Totally without ceremony, here at my desk, in an empty office.  Now,  let’s see if anyone notices or ventures a comment.  In any case, it’s only a ring.  I put it in my wallet.