Diary of a Widower

Daily entries by a husband, who stayed behind with his two sons

Suddenly she was there again

TUESDAY, December 15 – Last night the nightmare was briefly suspended. Not because I woke up, but because I dreamed about it. Suddenly Jennifer had walked into the living room. Not our living room, but some random place where her father and I were sitting at a table.

She walked into the room, as cool as could be. Smartly dressed. High heels. Tight-fitting jeans and a blouse I’d never seen before. A silk blouse with a colorful pattern. She was wearing make-up, her hair was short, and had earrings on that were just a bit too big.

My father-in-law and I were too surprised to say anything. ‘I know,’ said Jennifer, ‘it’s hard to believe, isn’t it? I’ve been conscious since twelve o’clock. No problem. That’s why they released me.’

I looked at my father-in-law, and again nothing was said. So it was possible.  Stupid! We’d taken her off the machines because she was totally brain-dead!  So miracles do exist.

Jenn went around the room, adjusting things here and there. I got up and walked over to her. You’d expect an embrace, but we kept some distance from each other since she was busy gathering up some papers and was bending over just about to deposit them in a recycle bin.

At that moment it became clear to me that it was a dream and I fought against waking up. I wanted to get back into the dream. I did everything I could, fully aware how difficult this was. Awake is awake.

I buried my head even deeper in the pillow in an attempt to recapture the dream or at least anchor that image of Jennifer in my head. I hoped it was still the middle of the night and not the moment when the alarm was scheduled to go off at ten to seven on this vacation day.

It was ten to seven. The alarm went off and I was back in our nightmare.

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One thought on “Suddenly she was there again

  1. Great article! You may find interest in this song I wrote…it is relevant to this post so I thought it would be appropriate to share.

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