Diary of a Widower

Daily entries by a husband, who stayed behind with his two sons

Who am I? Why am I here?

MONDAY, January 25 – I’m concerned about my memory. I forget everything, literally everything or at least that’s the way it feels. I walk into a room to do something, and before I get there I’ve forgotten what it was I came to do. Then, I’m distracted by some other chore that needs doing and begin on that instead. I’m a stranger in my own house. I make lists of chores that need doing and then forget where I left the list.

And I almost never know where my keys are.

Today there was a painful moment when I called the American Embassy to apply for Social Security benefits for the children. Simple question:  When were we married? I replied, with some hesitation, September 6, 1996. Then, immediately added, ‘At least I think so. It may sound stupid, but I’m not absolutely certain.’

Well, it didn’t make that much difference, according to the civil servant at the other end of the line.  But I didn’t agree and after we’d gone through the next couple of questions, it began to bother me. ‘You know,’ I said, ‘I can check the date, it’ll only take a minute.’ I went into my office, picked up my wallet, and took out my wedding ring.

Engraved on the inside, alongside our initials, was the date: September 7, 1996.  Slightly embarrassed, I corrected my mistake on the phone. The man told me ‘not to worry too much about it’. I laughed wryly.

The imprint of the ring is still visible on my finger.

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2 thoughts on “Who am I? Why am I here?

  1. David E. on said:

    I can relate. My wife just passed from a homicide a month ago and already I have to think harder than I should to remember her birthday during those difficult phone calls… and it’s only two weeks away. My heart goes out to you. Keep up the good fight brother and thank you for sharing… I need to start writing.

  2. Thanks, David. You need to start writing? You just did.

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