Diary of a Widower

Daily entries by a husband, who stayed behind with his two sons

Being sociable is a tough job

FRIDAY, April 9 – Initially, I didn’t much feel like going to L’s housewarming party tonight. After dinner I was overcome by a kind of apathetic melancholy. I had only myself to blame after having spent far too much time at the laptop. There were plenty of things I could and should have done that would have given me energy for this evening.

All things considered, it had been a really good day. I went to the new apartment where the renovation is going smoothly. I had a great guitar lesson. I made three appointments with potential movers and then, all of a sudden, I went into a dip. I told the boys I was going to stay home.

That is until the moment when I was changing the beds and I suddenly said to myself: ‘For Pete’s sake, go to the party, meet some new people. You can always leave early.  If you don’t go, you’ll only feel worse.’  So I went.  It did help – the people there were pleasant and easy-going. L’s new boyfriend has just moved into her boat house and there were German, English and Dutch friends there.

I spent a long time talking to P from Brighton. Good conversation, I dropped her off at her hotel, where we said goodbye with a pleasant, warm feeling – no more than that. A fine evening. So, it is possible. I can be sociable, meet new people, do my own thing and just be myself. Now, off to bed and try to keep to the new course. Positive energy.

In bed I open my laptop. I look at P’s Facebook photo. Suddenly I notice how tiny she is. And that she has short black hair. Large eyes. Just like Jennifer. That gave me a bit of a jolt.

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