Where to find peace? And how?
SATURDAY, April 24 – Nervous. The boys notice. They want to know if I’m okay. Yes, I’m okay. We take the boat out, Sander at the helm. Then a walk in the park, lying on the grass with Eamonn. It’s a Saturday that feels like summer, but I can’t seem to relax.
This morning I called my brother and begged off. He’d emailed me that it was a good idea for us to meet. He called to pick a date, but didn’t mention whether he’d be coming alone, with his son, or with the whole family. I was open to all options, I said, so he would have arrived in one of the above combinations.
I cancelled this morning. He sounded relieved. I can’t blame him. Where can I find peace? And how? And when? Things are not good: I am not okay.
Diary of a Widower 
I like this – “I am not okay”. Liberating to say that sometimes, huh.
Sending one virtual hug after another.