And now, leave me alone!
THURSDAY, May 20 – Just leave me the fuck alone. Give me some space, kids. A rest. Spare me your questions, your requests, your criticism, your nagging, your cravings, your demands, your problems, your dirty laundry, your clean laundry, your shoelaces, your missing toothpaste, your bread crusts, the last bite of your vegetables, everything that’s made life difficult for you today. Just leave me the fuck alone, and go to your mother.
Diary of a Widower 
I fell off a very big mountain yesterday just when I thought I’d almost reached the top….. I sent a text out to three of my closest friends at school this week, telling them that I know it’s been more than a year and that you must be thinking that I’m ok, but I’m not, I’m really not ok at all right now. On Monday I met Elizabeth, The Reverend at our local church, she was showing me around the cemetery seeing if I could find a suitable spot to put the remains of my beloved husband. I felt alone, the same alone that I have felt for the past 16 months, but somehow this was much worse. The reality of really living up to that dreadful title we gain of widow/widower, with a headstone to visit where we must and try to talk to some one who is no longer there, revisiting an event that almost seems impossible to in visage is just more than I can bear right now. I now realise what I am experiencing is delayed grief, delayed due to circumstances, where I had no family support, so in stead of wallowing in my grief my priority was my 7 and 5 year old not me. So many things have happened to me over the past few weeks that have lead to this slide, ultimately I think it was always inevitable, just a matter of time. What I miss more than anything else in whole wide world is his constant strength and support, every single responsibility and every single decision is down to you and you alone. “A problem shared is a problem halved!” in my case a problem not shared is a problem made bigger.
Thanks for your entry on May 20th and honesty that only one of us can truly understand.
You’re realising it now. Which is good. And never too late. So enjoy the view in the valley, and thanks for your kind words.