Diary of a Widower

Daily entries by a husband, who stayed behind with his two sons

It’s okay to have fun

SUNDAY, May 23 – We’re off Later to a barbecue at a friend’s house.  Eamonn is clearly not looking forward to the outing. He says it’s because he’s never really enjoyed anything since Mom’s death. Of course, he sometimes has fun, ‘but it’s not real pleasure, if you know what I mean, Papa.’

It’ll come back, I venture. He has his own thoughts on the matter, but he says nothing.

Later that evening, as we’re driving home, I ask Eamonn if he had a good time. He can hardly say no, since during the barbecue he and another kid seemed to do nothing but race by, screaming with laughter. He nodded. Yeah, it was fantastic. As he spoke the words, he remembered what he had maintained so emphatically earlier in the day. His face fell and he corrected himself:  ‘It was okay.’

I struck while the iron was hot. ‘It’s more than okay to enjoy yourself, Eamonn. More than okay.’ I accepted his silence.

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