Diary of a Widower

Daily entries by a husband, who stayed behind with his two sons

“It’s okay if you get married”

MONDAY, August 9 – Night has fallen, but we’re wide awake and restless. In the moonlight the waters of Lake George continue to roll restlessly. On the small pier in front of the hotel we see three comfortable chairs and we accept the invitation.

We realize that we’re tired and ready to call it a day – to leave the country we still regard as our fatherland, but Amsterdam is our home, even though we speak English there.  Her and their native language. Even I find it easier to express my emotions in this language.

‘I smile a lot more,’ Eamonn says, as we attempt to draw up the balance. Things are improving. It’s not all good, but it’s better. A lot better, in fact. I remind Eamonn of the moment when he declared that he would never be able to have fun again.  ‘So things actually can get better,’ I say.

Sander agrees. ‘Things feel right. We’re starting to get over it.’

I have no desire to undermine, qualify or feed his optimism. I leave it at that. Sitting here, on the pier, we can take on the whole world.

‘You know what, Papa?  I’d understand if you and C got married.’


‘Watch what you’re saying,’ I laugh.

‘No, I mean in a year or so. That would be all right.’

‘Thank you, Sander.’

Eamonn has something to say, and requests the floor.

But first: ‘Papa, you mustn’t put this in your book. Not yet.’

I give him my word.

Then he tells us what he’s planning to do in a little over two months, what he wanted to do last May, but couldn’t.  What he’ll do later. Sander and I are deeply impressed. On one condition, he says: that we do it together. Sounds like a great plan.

And one thing is clear:  We’re doing well. Very well, indeed.

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4 thoughts on ““It’s okay if you get married”

  1. I just found your web site and I am enjoying your posts on many levels. I too was suddenly widowed with 2 young children and found writing to be my tool for recovery. I eventually wrote a book like you and now I continue to write inspirational stories based on what I have learned over the past 20 years. I especially like the stories from NY state, where I grew up. I was just in Cooperstown and Lake George this summer as you and your children were, and it is a wonderful place to reconnect with the universe. Your sense of humor is spot on and your view of life is refreshing. Best wishes on your journey and please keep writing!

  2. Linda Vedder on said:

    Net je boek in één adem uitgelezen.. Het verwoorden van de emoties die ik nu ook zo voel een maand nadat ik plotseling alleen kwam te staan met twee kinderen. Prachtig, ontroerend, herkenbaar. Dankjewel.

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