Diary of a Widower

Daily entries by a husband, who stayed behind with his two sons

Wrapping up our therapy

FRIDAY, September 10 – Half an hour later, it was decided. We got out our diaries and made appointments for the last two sessions. One would be in early October and the last one sometime in November. The psychologist felt that it was time to round off the Friday sessions and we, or rather I, agreed.

We had last seen her in early July. There had been various developments during the summer vacation, and I called her earlier this week to bring her up to date. About C and the children, about the vacation, about the scattering of the ashes, about my work, about my book, but above all about Sander and Eamonn.

The boys indicated that things were ‘actually pretty okay’. At the moment they’re happy with life, although they still have their bad moments. If there’s one thing that they’d like to change, it’s the frequency of our outings and more often, with just the three of us.

I made a mental note of that. We mustn’t forget to plan things just for us guys. It’s great fun with all six of us, as Sander stressed, but we have to cherish the indestructible bond between father and sons. Maybe we can reserve Friday afternoon or evening for our outings.

I look back on our sessions with satisfaction. Maybe it’s hard to explain the exact areas where the psychologist was able to help; but, she certainly found a way to get Eamonn to come out of his shell and talk about the accident. At unexpected moments she helped Sander to realize that he was carrying unaddressed anger and how he could deal with it. What she ultimately taught me was how, as a father, I could find peace during all those months of inner tornados. All this plus the invisible support that, thanks to her, we were able to give each other.

For me, the best part was the fact that we did it.

There’s a good chance that one of us, in the years to come, will feel the need or the urge to go back into therapy. That, too, was the added value and the investment of the past year. Making everything open to discussion, in secure surroundings, and with a patient listener. Now we can move on.

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